Ooohr. I'm instantly attracted. I am far from a perfect holder of grammar. If anything, I like to see how much I can bend grammar before it breaks when I am writing.Daninator wrote:I like it.
It's hard giving criticism of just a first chapter because I don't know exactly where the story is going--something that may not make much sense to me right now may make perfect sense later. But I can say I like it. It's interesting, and that's always the most important thing (my golden rule of writing: "A reader will forgive anything except boredom").
I like your description of things: it's precise while being sparse, giving me a perfect image of the scene while not bogging me down in details that slow down the story. Example: "The moonlight filtering down through the leaf-bare talons of the trees." It's a perfect description--it gives me an exact sense of the mood and the scene. Great stuff.
The one thing that stood out to me as a problem was the mechanics around dialogue, but that may be a stylistic choice. I taught grammar for two years, and looking for grammatical mistakes in people's writing is now a subconscious habit, so I am much too oversensitive to stylistic uses of sentence fragments and capitalisation.
All the same, it's giddying to see someone who cares for the written word like I do.
