Anglerfish

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Anglerfish

Postby Meer » 23 Mar 2009, 12:20

Alright, so we all know about Anglerfish, those cheerful little guys with the light on their head that most of us learned to hate in Bubbleman's Level in Megaman 2. But what are they really like? Are they as awesome as Bubbleman was?

The answer is an emphatic "NO", in fact, I intend to educate you all on exactly why Anglerfish need to be made extinct, for too long have they dwelt in our oceans being terrifying. Using all the powers of the internet, I consulted Wikipedia and learned some delightful facts about our fishy friends.

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THE ANGLERFISH, NATURE'S BOOGEYMAN

Image

FEEDING HABITS
Now, while they're absolutely horrifying to look at, the Anglerfish has a number of other 'redeeming' qualities that just beg for this species to be removed from the Earth, namely for the crime of scaring the shit out of both myself and untold numbers of other people.

Anglerfish, as many of you already know, use the light on their head to attract prey. Once the prey touches the light-appendage, an automatic nerve response causes the Anglerfish to snap it's mouth shut, catching whatever had touched its light. That's not so bad, right? Right. Except that those teeth aren't for biting, no, the Anglerfish eats its prey whole! Those teeth act as bars that prevent the eaten fish from escaping the Angler's body. Yes, these things are living embodiments of vore-fetishists everywhere.

As if that wasn't bad enough though, due to the nature of the Angler's physical makeup they are able to stretch their bodies to immense proportions... in effect an Anglerfish can swallow (whole and alive) prey up to TWICE their size!

MATING HABITS
Sure, being able to swallow your prey whole is kinda weird, but I mean, ducks eat their food whole too, right? So what's your point Meer, why do these things deserve extinction? To this I'd say "Good point, but you're being a dick, so let me finish!"

The mating habits of the Anglerfish are as horrifying as their ghastly visage. The Anglerfish we know and love (see above picture) is actually a female, the males being far smaller than the females. Upon reaching maturity, a male Anglerfish's digestive tract ceases to work, causing the male (in a bid to save its own life) to find a female Anglerfish. Upon finding a female, the male will bite the underside of the female and release an enzyme that causes its own face to melt... in effect, the male Anglerfish DIGESTS ITS OWN FACE. Because of this, the male and female fuse at a cellular level, the male literally becoming an appendage of the female angler fish.

Image

Once this has occured, the male will live off the nutrients from the female's bloodstream, circumventing the need for a digestive tract of its own. Due to the fusion though, the male Anglerfish eventually begins to physically atrophy, soon becoming completely unable to move on its own but remaining fused of course to the female. The male's role at this point is to release sperm upon receiving hormonal signals from the female.

The female has, for all intents and purposes, inherited a penis via. a mate that is always attached to it and does nothing except hang there, release waste, and produce sperm. Did I mention that the male, to cause this fusion, DIGESTS ITS OWN FACE?

These things are fucking terrifying, and that's why we need to kill them.
For great justice take off every pants!

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Postby Widontknow » 23 Mar 2009, 12:34

They're awesome.
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Postby Pooshie » 23 Mar 2009, 12:44

Meer, I think that allowing them to LIVE is a worse punishment.
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Postby tecywiz121 » 23 Mar 2009, 13:33

Pooshie wrote:Meer, I think that allowing them to LIVE is a worse punishment.


Especially for the males.
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Postby Ashes » 23 Mar 2009, 13:38

http://www.hlgaming.com/images/spmods/h ... yosaur.jpg

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Postby Sid » 23 Mar 2009, 16:12

I would just like to point out that Anglerfish fish for other fish by fishing.  That's awesome.  I don't care whatever weird quirks they may have.  Any fish that catches fish by fishing for fish is pure awesome.

 Think about it.
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Postby Meer » 23 Mar 2009, 16:16

Sid wrote:I would just like to point out that Anglerfish fish for other fish by fishing.  That's awesome.  I don't care whatever weird quirks they may have.  Any fish that catches fish by fishing for fish is pure awesome.

 Think about it.


It digests its own face.

Fail.
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Postby Kesslan » 23 Mar 2009, 19:00

I vote that the new mascot for Capital Furs be an anthro Angler fish.
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Postby Duster » 23 Mar 2009, 19:09

I have an anthro Angler character already.
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Postby Ironklaw » 23 Mar 2009, 20:09

VicksHB wrote:I have an anthro Angler character already.


I don't find that the least bit surprising.

Also, kill the fucking things. Kill them by any means necessary. WE HATES THEM!
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